For many gay men, Christmas is a season of mixed emotions. On the one hand, it’s a time of lights, laughter, and celebration. On the other, the emphasis on family gatherings can sometimes feel like a sharp reminder of strained relationships, complicated dynamics, or the pressure to fit into a heteronormative mould. For those whose biological families struggle to fully accept their identities, or for anyone who feels out of place during these traditional celebrations, Christmas can be a season of disconnection instead of joy.
But what if Christmas could look and feel entirely different? What if it could be reimagined as a celebration of authenticity, love, and chosen connections?
Increasingly, many gay men are turning to their “chosen family”, a group of friends who feel like home, who support, love, and celebrate each other unconditionally. These bonds, built on shared experiences and mutual care, can transform the holiday season into something truly meaningful. For anyone feeling disconnected from traditional festivities, embracing a chosen family Christmas is not just an alternative, it’s an act of empowerment.
Why a Chosen Family Matters
The concept of chosen family is deeply rooted in the LGBT community.
Historically, many queer individuals have faced rejection or marginalisation from their biological families, forcing them to seek solace in friendships and romantic partnerships. Over time, these connections became more than friendships, they became lifelines, offering the love and acceptance that was sometimes missing at home.
Chosen families are powerful because they’re created on your terms. Unlike biological family ties, which often come with expectations and pressures, chosen families are built on mutual understanding, shared values, and unconditional care. They represent freedom, authenticity, and a chance to redefine what family truly means.
During the festive season, when society often centres on the nuclear family, chosen families offer a reminder that there is no “right” way to celebrate. Christmas can look like whatever you want it to.
If the holiday season brings up feelings of loneliness or uncertainty, talking with someone who understands can make all the difference. At Benedicts, we provide a safe and supportive space for gay men to explore these emotions, find clarity, and build stronger connections - with yourself and others. Get in touch if you feel you need to talk to someone.
Redefining Christmas Traditions
One of the most liberating aspects of celebrating with your chosen family is the opportunity to rewrite the rules. There’s no pressure to follow outdated traditions or to meet anyone else’s expectations. Instead, you can create your own rituals that feel joyful, inclusive, and uniquely you.
1. Host a Christmas Dinner Party
For many, food is at the heart of Christmas. Why not bring your chosen family together for a festive feast filled with laughter, music, and plenty of sparkle? You could stick to a traditional menu or throw tradition out the window altogether - how about a pizza night, a vegan feast, or a rainbow-themed buffet? The goal isn’t perfection; it’s connection.
2. Gift-Giving, Your Way
Gift-giving doesn’t have to be expensive or stressful. Consider introducing fun alternatives, like a Secret Santa with quirky themes (e.g., “the campest gift under £10”) or a white elephant exchange where everyone brings something intentionally funny or outrageous. Alternatively, focus on handmade gifts or even skip the gifts altogether and donate to an LGBT charity as a group.
3. Create New Traditions
This is your chance to make the season truly your own. Start a tradition that reflects your chosen family’s personality and values. This could be anything from a Christmas karaoke night featuring queer anthems to a cosy evening decorating the tree together. If you’re all fans of drag, why not organise a “Drag Santa” competition? Or, for something more low-key, you could host a storytelling night where everyone shares their funniest or most heartwarming Christmas memories.
4. Plan a Holiday Getaway
For many, escaping the usual holiday environment can be the ultimate act of self-care. Plan a group trip to a destination that excites you, whether it’s a winter wonderland or a sunny beach far from home. Londoners might even consider a local escape, like a rented cottage in the countryside or a chic city break in a nearby town.
5. Support Each Other
It’s important to recognise that Christmas can be an emotionally charged time for many people in your chosen family. Some might feel the weight of past rejections or the absence of their biological families. Create space for everyone to share their feelings, and remind each other that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. The beauty of chosen family is that no one has to face these moments alone.
The Joy of Breaking the Mould
By choosing to celebrate with your chosen family, you’re doing more than just rejecting tradition - you’re actively creating something new and meaningful. A chosen family Christmas isn’t about escaping your past; it’s about embracing your present and building a future filled with love, connection, and authenticity.
For gay men, this shift can feel profoundly liberating. It’s a chance to let go of societal expectations and focus on what truly matters: being yourself and celebrating that self with people who love you for it. It’s a chance to create a holiday season where acceptance, laughter, and freedom take centre stage.
Tips for Making the Most of Your Chosen Family Christmas
1. Start planning early. Coordinating everyone’s schedules during the holidays can be tricky. Make your plans early to ensure everyone feels included.
2. Don’t overcomplicate things. The beauty of chosen family Christmases is their flexibility. There’s no need to aim for perfection; focus on what brings you joy.
3. Celebrate your authenticity. Whether it’s through your decorations, your music playlist, or your food choices, let your unique style shine.
4. Be mindful of inclusivity. Not everyone celebrates Christmas in the same way, or at all. Check in with your chosen family to make sure the celebration feels meaningful for everyone.
A Christmas to Remember
Christmas with a chosen family is more than just an alternative - it’s a celebration of everything that makes the LGBT community special:
resilience, creativity, and the unwavering ability to build love and joy wherever we go.
So, this year, whether you’re sipping mulled wine with your best friends or dancing to Mariah Carey in your living room, remember this: your way of celebrating is just as valid, meaningful, and magical as anyone else’s.
Here’s to a Christmas that feels like home, however you define it.
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Need support navigating the holiday season?
At Benedicts, we provide a safe and welcoming space for gay men to explore their emotions, build resilience, and find joy - during Christmas and beyond. Whether you’re feeling isolated, dealing with family pressures, or simply need someone to talk to, we’re here for you.
Book a session today and let us help make this holiday season a time of growth, connection, and self-care.