When someone you care about is going through a challenging time, you may notice signs of stress, sadness, or overwhelm and feel a desire to help. If this friend or partner is gay, you may be aware they could be navigating additional layers of complexity that therapy could help with. Whether you’re both members of the LGBT community or not, suggesting therapy can be a delicate matter. Here’s how to bring it up thoughtfully, showing them the understanding and care they deserve.
1. Reflect on Why You’re Suggesting Therapy
Before starting the conversation, take a moment to consider why you feel therapy could be helpful for them. Have you noticed they seem withdrawn, stressed, or down? Maybe they’ve confided in you about a recent loss, relationship difficulties, or other challenges that feel heavy. Coming from a place of genuine care will set a supportive tone, showing that you’re suggesting therapy because their well-being matters to you.
2. Choose a Comfortable, Private Setting
For a conversation about therapy, timing and setting are important. Choose a relaxed, private environment where both of you feel at ease. Avoid raising the topic in the middle of high emotions or distractions. Instead, find a quiet moment, like over coffee or during a calm evening in, where you can talk openly without feeling rushed or interrupted.
3. Be Honest and Gentle
Approach the subject with honesty and a light touch. Start by sharing your concern in a non-judgemental way, such as, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit stressed lately, and I just wanted to check in.” Expressing your feelings as care rather than criticism can make it easier for them to feel open rather than defensive. You might continue with, “Therapy can be a really helpful space to work through things, and I think it could be a positive step for you.” Framing therapy as a supportive resource rather than something they “need” helps show that you’re suggesting it for their benefit, not to “fix” them.
4. Acknowledge that Gay Therapists Are Available
They might feel more comfortable with a gay therapist who truly understands their experiences. Let them know that many therapists are affirming and knowledgeable about LGBT issues, especially the unique pressures that gay men may face today. You could say something like, “There are therapists, such as Ben MacQueen, who specialise in supporting gay men and understand the specific challenges that come with that experience.” This reassurance can help make therapy feel accessible and welcoming, showing that there are professionals out there who can provide understanding and relatable support.
5. Share Positive Experiences with Therapy
If you or people you know have benefited from therapy, sharing these positive experiences can make therapy feel less intimidating and more familiar. You might say, “I know people who have found therapy really helpful, and it gave them tools to manage things that felt overwhelming.” Normalising therapy by sharing relatable stories can make it feel like a natural, supportive step rather than something daunting.
6. Emphasise Confidentiality and Professional Support
Your friend or partner might have concerns about privacy or judgement, so emphasising the confidentiality and professionalism of therapy could help ease their worries. You could explain, “Therapy is a private, non-judgemental space. Everything stays between you and the therapist, who’s there to help without any judgement.” This can reassure them that they’ll have a safe, supportive environment to explore their feelings openly.
7. Offer to Help Find a Gay Therapist, If Needed
If they’re open to the idea of therapy but unsure of where to start, offer to help them find a therapist. Many cities, including London, have therapists who specialise in working with gay men, creating a comfortable space for them to discuss anything they’re facing. You might say, “If you’d like, I can help you look up therapists who specialise in working with gay men, so you can find someone who really understands.” Showing your willingness to help makes the process feel more approachable and less overwhelming. If there aren't gay therapists nearby, most (including Benedicts) offer virtual sessions as well as in-person.
8. Be Patient and Respect Their Choice
Therapy is a personal choice, and while you can suggest it from a place of love, the decision ultimately has to be theirs. If they’re not ready, it’s important to respect their autonomy. Let them know you’ll be there if they ever want to talk more. You could say, “If you ever want to talk about this again or need help finding someone, I’m here for you.” Leaving the door open shows support without pressure.
9. Follow Up Gently if Needed
If you feel that they might benefit from therapy but just need more time to process the idea, consider gently bringing it up again after a few weeks. Some people need a little time to warm up to the idea, so a gentle check-in could feel like a reminder that support is available whenever they’re ready.
Suggesting therapy to someone you care about is a powerful act of compassion, showing that you’re invested in their happiness and well-being. Therapy offers a safe, confidential space where they can explore what they’re going through with a professional who can help. If your friend or partner is gay, knowing there are gay therapists can help them feel that they won’t need to explain or defend their identity, they can simply focus on what they’re facing.
Whether or not they decide to pursue therapy, just knowing they’re supported by someone who genuinely cares can make a world of difference. Your understanding and gentle encouragement can help them feel seen, valued, and less alone in whatever challenges they may be navigating.